YAY!

I AM SO EXCITED!! I'M WRITING A NEW POEM! IT'S JUST GETTING UNDERWAY; I'M NOT GOING TO POST IT NOW, BUT IT'S VERY PROMISING! OF COURSE, IT'S INSPIRED BY THE BOY WITH THE BEAUTIFUL SMILE! OH, IF ONLY THINGS WORKED OUT THE WAY THEY DO IN POETRY (at least the way they do in mine). I'M GONNA GET BACK TO IT BEFORE I LOSE ALL MY CREATIVE JUICES AND HATE BLOGGER FOREVER! *smile*

PEACE

we spoke

the heavy weight of disappointment

melted away with the sincerity of his smile

benevolent thoughts wash over me

as forgiveness grows

I long to see him

drown in his chocolate skin

bathe in his rays of light

that the clouds once covered

us

my frontal lobe still stings with the memory of

US

I gotta let it go...

So, I found myself interested in this guy. This particular young man came into my life at a time when I was ending something with someone else. I naively interpreted his arrival in my life as a divinely sent rescue mission. I was under the belief he would save me from the hurt I felt in losing the guy I wanted to be with. I became intrigued by him and needlessly to say, it didn't take long for me to start to develop feelings for him. In retrospect, my initial feelings for him were displaced. I was still very much wrapped up in my failed attempt with the previous guy, so I tried to immerse myself in this new situation I was in... The end result was not favorable for me. After what seemed like a good start, things between us became stagnant and eventually dissolved into nothingness. I would love to say I was completely wronged by him and hold no accountability for the way everything happened, but there's no use in lying about it. I definitely set myself up for disappointment by not being honest with myself. I quickly saw he didn't see us in the way I did yet I continued to play the game in hopes that things would change. I stupidly made allowances for his inexcusable behavior... ALL BECAUSE I WAS FEELING GUILTY FOR MISTAKES I MADE IN MY LAST RELATIONSHIP. My guilt drove me to waste 4 months of my life hopelessly devoted to a guy who I wasn't in a relationship with. Perhaps all this wouldn't be such a huge blow to my morale if I didn't just find out that not only does he have a girlfriend now, but he'd been a whore the whole time I was dealing with him. It just puts everything in perspective now...

I truly never thought I'd have a blog. It just seemed like something completely out of my realm of doing things. Well 2009 is proving to be a big year for me. I think some changes are warranted at this point. Not much else to report. I suppose once I get some rest I'll be more interesting. *smile*